Can I kiss you?
Why is dating related to Jesuit education? In his conference, Mike Domitrz, talks about being respectful in relationships, but how can we do this? His main point was, by giving choices. A simple question such as “Can I kiss you?” is not only considered to be embarrassing in a date, but it is commonly said that it “ruins the moment”. Is this really true? When he was talking to us he gave us a demonstration of how he could ask this question without making it an awkward moment, and all the girls thought it was the proper way to do it even though we had always thought that it makes the moment awkward. During this talk we learned about respect, and how to help and learn from friends and those we date.
In dictionary.com respect means - esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability. In a relationship, there has to be respect, we can show it in many ways. On a first date, according to Mike, asking “Can I kiss you?” would not only make both people comfortable, but they will understand what the other one is feeling, boys are not afraid of rejection, they just avoid it. If the person who is being asked is not comfortable, then they should express their feelings with the proper words, not to hurt the other person. This is just one basic example Mike gave us to understand that we deserve to be given options in order to not be abused, mainly sexually. In relationships that have lasted for a long time, we can still bring new ideas or ways of respect for the other, it is just a matter of knowing that it is something normal and everybody goes through these experiences. This definition of respect will only lead to enjoying relationships more than we already do.
One example that caught my attention was, when a guy gets a girl drunk INTENTIONALLY to then abuse her, nobody interferes because it is none of their business. When this same guy tries to drive and may ACCIDENTALLY kill someone, everybody stops him from doing this. It makes one wonder what our priorities are, sometimes abuse is not seen or people just do not want to believe it exists. Raping is one of the most common problems in our society and we have to stop it, but how can we help to prevent this?
One of the things he said was, we can help by “Opening the door”, we have to let people know that we are there for them, and that if someone ever does something to them, we will be there to help. Also when we go to parties or some to other place, we have to be good FRIENDS. If we see someone in trouble, we should help them in order to avoid any future problems related to sexual abuse. It might cause problems that night, but it will save a person’s life and they will be thankful of having a friend.
Now you might be asking yourself why dating, or asking for a kiss is related to Jesuit education. Well it is very simple; Jesuit education intends to educate us in integrity of the whole body, learning about respect in relationships and intimacy is very important since we are in an environment that is new to us and we should take care of ourselves and others. Respecting those we date and preventing friends from being abused is an important aspect of the integrity of our minds and bodies.